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...she walked in through the out door.
On that day I discovered the marvellous art of James Elaine, who plants in books & botanizes animals.

James Elaine - The Research Room.jpg

James Elaine - Bean Book.jpg

James Elaine - Animal Book I.jpg

On my way back I took the photo of the memorial for a road accident victim. Since three years there are always fresh flowers and lit candles for this boy.

memorial for a road accident victim

Finally I found a dead robin redbreast in the street.

dead robin redbreast

I overcame the temptation to bury him in a book and buried him in the garden instead.

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"Si on me presse, continue-t-il, de dire pourquoi je l'aimais, je sens que cela ne se peut exprimer qu'en répondant: parce que c'était lui; parce que c'était moi."
Michel de Montaigne, De L'amitié

Why did I love him? Because it was him, because it was me.

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"From Death’s hand I accepted the gift. I knew what it was. I think. Who it was from. Seeing the name and address I laughed and signed without hesitation."

Joyce Carol Oates, Blonde

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Einmal bedurfte es nur eines Wortes von dir
Und die Laufschritte in meinem Rücken fielen ab.
Nur deiner Hand mir unter die Wange geschoben
Und ich schlief.

Marie Luise Kaschnitz, Du sollst nicht

20 years now.

20 years ago you died.

A friend once said that I survived my childhood only because of you, Papa.

I believe an afterlife exists only in the memory and the heritage of the bereaved.

So you're still here.

I inherited your gentleness. And yes, also your violent temper. Your hilarity. Your stubbornness.

Your ability to enchant and to banish.

Never let me go and let me go.

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Madame, all stories, if continued far enough, end in death, and he is no true-story teller who would keep that from you.
Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon


Just another day on earth

Tim Walker - Cara Delevingne


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A Haiku about the Brain

I'm not religious
but magic only happens
between two temples

Benedict Smith

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And I talked on, explaining things to him, things I cannot now remember but which at the time were of clear and burning importance.
Helen Macdonald, H is for Hawk

Wicker Chair, Munich 2005


New Year, still entangled, yet worn.
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There is something
                               something urgent
I have to say to you
               and you alone
And so
               with fear in my heart
                             I drag it out
and keep on talking
             for I dare not stop.
                        Listen while I talk on
against time.
            It will not be
                         for long.
Only give me time,
                 time to recall them
                         before I shall speak out.
Give me time,
I cannot say
              that I have gone to hell
                         for your love
but often
              found myself there
                         in your pursuit.
I do not like it
              and wanted to be
                         in heaven. Hear me out.
Do not turn away.
I have learned much in my life
              from books
                         and out of them
about love.
                     a love engendering
gentleness and goodness
               that moved me
                          and that I saw in you.
I should have known,
               though I did not,
                          that the lily-of-the-valley
is a flower that makes many ill
               who whiff it.

William Carlos Williams, Asphodel, That Greeny Flower I   

Stanislav Ginzburg - Hidden Place I.jpg

Running away is what we both prefered.
But is that
an option -

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Se vogliamo che tutto rimanga com'è, bisogna che tutto cambi.
Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa, Il Gattopardo


Francesca Woodman - Untitled

Keep your strength. The air will carry you.


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So many people enter and leave your life
Hundreds of thousands of people
You have to keep the door open so they can come in
But it also means you have to let them go
Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

me - July 2014


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Edith! The 7-year-old girl played with her elder brothers in a room nearby when she heard the breathless voice of her mother. Go, tell your father I must see him. The girl run out in the sunshine to the barn. Her father, a farmer and major of a small village, hurried to her mother's sickbed and shut the door behind him. After a short dialogue which the children curiously tried to overhear he went out to harness the horses. In the afternoon he returned with the officiating notary from town, who went to Edith's mother, bedridden by tuberculosis since two long years now.

"My mother knew that she'll die, so she wanted to dictate her will", my aunt Edith told me more than 80 years later. "Oh, she must have felt death coming soon, for shortly after the notary's visit she died. I saw her testament for the first time 14 years later, when I was of full age. Her signature...it was so frail, so frail. She knew that my father had to remarry soon after her death...imagine, we were four children, and a farmer needed a wife, there was so much hard work to be done. My mother also knew he will have children with his second wife, and that this wife will benefit her own offspring someday. So she wanted to dispose her dowry not to her husband but to her children. She had a dowry of 5000 Goldmark, my dear, quite a sum at that time! To each of my three elder brothers she disposed 1000 Goldmark and to me 2000 Goldmark 'to enable my daughter a good formal education'. Because of this heritage I could attend a college, earn my own living and grow up to be an independent woman. My father wouldn't allow that, I was only a girl. But she did."

I admire this woman, who was so clear-sighted at the verge of death. Who died in the old way, with a keen sense for the very hour of her death, settling her matters, settling the matters of the ones she was responsible for.

Ferdinand Hodler - Valentine Gode-Darel

More than half a century later, after war and flight, closed and reopened borders my aunt visited Ida's grave and wept bitterly for a mother who could only guard her by her last will.

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I want to be like the drunk who wanders through the world, staggers into rooms, and utters truth. Transparent, embarrassing, unfaceable, irrepressible. I will never be like that; I will always be the prissy too-many-things-to-consider.
Alice B. Sheldon, Note, n.d., on stationary from the Seymour, Mary's New York Hotel

To have the guts to be bold and proud without being irresistible - too risky, indeed.

Scott Schuman - Rue Ampre Paris

Style is when they're running you out of town and you make it look as if you're leading the parade.
Sebastian Horsley, Dandy in the Underworld

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