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Threshold
...she walked in through the out door.
The story of my father & me transformed into choreography

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I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;

I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain:

And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,

Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.
Christina Rossetti


Manuel Archain - Situations 8.jpg

Like an arrow hits the target I hit you, seeked you out, with somnabulistic certainty.
You wanted this pain.
You wanted to be dropped like an old tattered toy.
You expect this from others, so you get it.
Fear it, hope for it.
The joy of recognition.

I shift shapes.
Before you grab what's going on I grab your soul.
I make your dreams come true; even your nightmares.
And you are deadalive.

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In a land there's a town
And in that town there's a house
And in that house there's a woman
And in that woman there's a heart I love
I'm gonna take it with me when I go
I'm gonna take it with me when I go.

Brennan / Waits, Take it with me
(click to listen)

at the bank of the Elbe

In that man was a heart that loved me.

I've worn the faces off all the cards

I took it with me when I went.

I was never more alive or alone

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Current Music: Tom Waits, Take it with me

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The albums on my mother's shelves are full of family photographs. But also other things. A starling with a crooked beak. A day of hoarfrost and smoke. A cherry tree thick with blossom. Thunderclouds, lightning strikes, comets and eclipses: celestial events terrifying in their blind distances but reassuring you, too, that the world is for ever, though you are only a blink in its course.
Helen Macdonald,
H is for Hawk

my father with one of his homers

My love for birds, for air and the infinity of the sky I inherited from you.

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48.

Floria Sigismondi - self portrait with cat

That's what I see when I look at my inner self.

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'We were friends, and have become strangers to each other. But this is as it ought to be, and we do not want either to conceal or obscure the fact, as if we had to be ashamed of it. We are two ships, each of which has its goal and its course; we may, to be sure, cross one another in our paths, and celebrate a feast together as we did before - and then the gallant ships lay quietly in one harbour and in one sunshine, so that it might have been thought they were already at their goal, and that they had had one goal. But then the almighty strength of our tasks forced us apart once more into different seas and into different zones, and perhaps we shall never see one another again - or perhaps we may see one another, but not know one another again; the different seas and suns have altered us! That we had to become strangers to one another is the law to which we are subject: just by that shall we become more sacred to one another! Just by that shall the thought of our former friendship become holier! There is probably some immense, invisible curve and stellar orbit in which our courses and goals, so widely different, may be comprehended as small stages of the way - let us raise ourselves to this thought! [...]'

Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science, Book IV Sanctus Januarius

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Se vogliamo che tutto rimanga com'è, bisogna che tutto cambi.
                                   For everything to remain the same, everything must change.

Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa, Il Gattopardo


Glasgow, 2007

2017

Don't dwell on it.
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On that day I discovered the marvellous art of James Elaine, who plants in books & botanizes animals.

James Elaine - The Research Room.jpg

James Elaine - Bean Book.jpg

James Elaine - Animal Book I.jpg

On my way back I took the photo of the memorial for a road accident victim. Since three years there are always fresh flowers and lit candles for this boy.

memorial for a road accident victim

Finally I found a dead robin redbreast in the street.

dead robin redbreast

I overcame the temptation to bury him in a book and buried him in the garden instead.

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"Si on me presse, continue-t-il, de dire pourquoi je l'aimais, je sens que cela ne se peut exprimer qu'en répondant: parce que c'était lui; parce que c'était moi."
Michel de Montaigne, De L'amitié

Why did I love him? Because it was him, because it was me.


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"From Death’s hand I accepted the gift. I knew what it was. I think. Who it was from. Seeing the name and address I laughed and signed without hesitation."

Joyce Carol Oates, Blonde


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Einmal bedurfte es nur eines Wortes von dir
Und die Laufschritte in meinem Rücken fielen ab.
Nur deiner Hand mir unter die Wange geschoben
Und ich schlief.

Marie Luise Kaschnitz, Du sollst nicht

20 years now.

20 years ago you died.

A friend once said that I survived my childhood only because of you, Papa.




I believe an afterlife exists only in the memory and the heritage of the bereaved.

So you're still here.

I inherited your gentleness. And yes, also your violent temper. Your hilarity. Your stubbornness.

Your ability to enchant and to banish.

Never let me go and let me go.

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Madame, all stories, if continued far enough, end in death, and he is no true-story teller who would keep that from you.
Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon

47

Just another day on earth


Tim Walker - Cara Delevingne

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