I couldn’t believe I was seeing such pain. I would stop seeing: I would stand there and be without sight; the bottom of my stomach would drop away; there is a frightening cold shock that comes when you accept the reality of someone else’s pain.
Harold Brodkey, A Story in an Almost Classical Mode
The signs. The permanent shiver. The permanent refuse. 'No thanks, I'm not hungry'. The nauseated glance at others, those greedy pigs.
You focus on her, see yourself, years ago. She's a mirror. Walk through this mirror to help her going back to life. Dangerous, you have to go back to the other side. Back to the cold abyss of anorexia. Back to your former self.
I dropped anchor, and she caught it. I'm trapped in her pain now. The anchor tore the solid ground.
Remember. You pulled yourself up by your own bootstraps, years ago. She is much younger than you were, but stronger. Gather way. Back to life, to warmth, to blood.