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et in arcadia ego - Threshold — LiveJournal
...she walked in through the out door.
et in arcadia ego
And I had to know. I had to know. How else could I make arrangements to protect myself, to gather all the devices for use in extreme emergency and take things calmly so that I would know which to use?
Janet Frame, Faces in the Water

I have to know. There is no emergency anymore. Just a vague threat, who lingers on since my childhood, lingers on from the extreme emergency my parents had to face, decades before I was born. With it comes an inner tension, an urgency to be always on the go. There may be fatal danger in the idyllic pasture.

And like everyone who couldn't escape, who bashed against walls, I developed my ability to wander within my mind, exploring foreign lands of art, history, biography, science. Within my mind I am free, die Gedanken sind frei.

So I am still on the go, if it seems better to run away, but also able to fight with all my courage if my knowledge and consideration advise me to do so.

Charles Condor - The Fatal Colors 1888.jpg

And yes, I will wear fatal colours as I did in the last 43 years.

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