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from our dark spirits - Threshold
...she walked in through the out door.
dalaruan
dalaruan
from our dark spirits
A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness;
John Keats, Endymion, Book I


When threat and fear accompany a life from the start, every forceful approach, even every approach by others to come close inherits danger. The danger to lose oneself, to lose life. To vanish, extinguished by power. This once was a natural reaction to people who gave you life, let you exist, then treated you badly. Their feelings towards you decided about your life or death, total dependency. If that was abused, how could you ever recover? How can love be anything but hostile invasion?



In the poem "Endymion" there is a line that seems to tell my present fear of life: Pass into nothingness.
Quintana Roo Dunne (1966 - 2006), Diary March 7, 1984

Did I prefer not to hear what she was actually saying?
Did it frighten me?
I try the passage again, this time reading for meaning.
What she said:
My present fear of life
What she said: Pass into nothingness.
Joan Didion, Blue Nights 2011

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