D. (dalaruan) wrote,
D.
dalaruan

betrayal - dedicated to M.

Wrong life cannot be lived rightly.
                       Theodor Adorno, Minima Moralia.

To betray yourself. And others. It's a kind of denial. This then the kernel of the brute. The liar is the destroyer.

Parts of my life I fooled myself out of my life, wasting my time, in standby position, years full of self-destructive numbness.

Break.

Fifteen years ago I met a man at university. He was withdrawn, sometimes stiff and awkward. I was always attracted by this type and played my favoured role, la belle dame sans merci. But this time I couldn't forget my victim. Appalled by this I turned to other men. And returned to him. Ever and ever again. Then I broke away for good, started a new, conventional life, a philistine Jane Doe.
And no birds sang.


Barnlongart

Again I missed him and didn't know why.

When the lesson in wrong life ended just a year ago, I returned to my old life. And to him.
He was still there, still alone, his door still open.

What kind of tale is this?
Tags: dedication, love that killing field
Subscribe

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 7 comments